Mucho de lo que sigue está en inglés (spanglish). Espero lo entiendas.
Y si no lo haces, recuerda que por allí siempre están disponibles las “Academias Vásquez” para aprenderlo. O con nosotros…
Sabes, me encontré este “chiste” publicado por Ba-baMail, pero después de leerlo, consideré que estaba incompleto. Así que le agregue unos cuantos párrafos para hacerlo más “jocoso”. Ojalá y te rías. Si no lo haces, toma un pañuelo seco y grande y ponte a llorar, ya que cualquier parecido a la realidad es pura coincidencia involuntaria.
“Mexican people are the happiest in the word” You know!
“A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one. At the door to German Hell, he is told: “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.” He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome”.
“However, at the Italian Hell a long line of people are waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?” He is told: “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Italian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.” “But that’s the same as the others,” says the man. “Why are so many people waiting to get in?” “Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Italian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.”
Dear PULSO PYME reader let me add the next paragraphs that the original author of the “Joke”, forgot to include in his story (not joke). Why? Because I considered that the dead guy never got out of Europe or the USA to check other great and large hells in other countries. This is what that dead person missed:
The problem of this “joke” (or real story) is that it is incomplete, because the line at the Italian hell was not long enough when compared to the largest line of all hells at the entrance of the Mexican Hell, it was huge. It was kilometric. It even reached beyond Saturn and Jupiter or Pluto. And when the Mexican Devil at last comes every morning to punish bad souls, he is always drunk or very late in, and before they can put you in the electric chair for five hours or more, as the mexican ISO procedure dictates to do, and afterwards lay you flat on a bed of sharp nails for another complete day, they can´t find the devil´s helper to do it. Why? Because he never arrives to work on time to the Mexican Hell, due to big traffic jams, first in the “Texcoco Road” close to where he lives and afterwards due to the unforeseen inconvenience that the escalator of the subway line that he uses daily, that morning again collapsed with him and another 50 people on top of it, and he was then taken in an slow ambulance to the IMSS hospital for 25 stitches in both of his hurt and broken arms. It is worth mentioning that in the hospital were not available painkillers or bandages, not even aspirins for the helper or for anybody else, causing him more delays and pains.
Note: The shortage of medicines will be explained in another “Joke”. Maybe?
When the Mexican Devil was finally sober, and was ready to punish some bad souls, he found out that the electricity in his hell was cut due to lack of payment to the CFE by the Mexican Hell administrators office due to budget cuts and excess of “Esquezofrenia Galopante**” when requesting the bank transfer of funds, without proper authorization and also found that the wooden bed of nails had two legs broken and the nails stolen, due to an accident with a previous fat soul that broke the bed, also, that the carpenter that was supposed to fix it, could not find his tool box because it was also robbed by the Mexican mafia or by one of the drug cartels that abound in the Mexican Hell, after he used it, during the last Memorial Punishing Celebration Time (MPCT) at the ”Zocalo”.
When finally the electricity was again available and the bed of new nails fixed, all the bad souls waiting in line outside the Mexican Hell, for their required punishment, almost all of them were lost in space or in the close by Nero´s Galaxy and nobody could find them. Not even the Mexican Devil was able to catch most of them…
The rest of found lost souls were finally located in a special Mexican big noisy party with fat Mariachis with Big Sombreros, Toloaches, Trumpets, Tambores, Violins, Tacos de Bistek, Tostadas de Pata (Cocinadas Estilo Cuauhtémoc), Tamales Oaxaqueños, de Mole y Dulces, Very Hot Chilly Salsas, Quesadillas de Queso, Tlacoyos, Tortas, Doraditos y Crujientes Totopos, Tacos de Tinga de Pollo, Lots of Aguacates for the Guacamole with Cebollita, Jalapeño y Cilantro, Sopita de Tomate, Hot Tortillas (Wheat and Corn), Enchiladas de Mole Poblano con Harto Pollo Deshebrado, Quesillo, Crema y Frijolitos Negros Refritos, Cold Tecates, Tequilas, Tepaches, and lots of Frozen Coronas or Victorias, Tehuacanes con Mucho Hielo y Caballitos de Limón and Aguas Frescas de Tamarindo o Jamaica, before they were urgently sent back to earth by “God” to be reborn as very happy Mexican babies.
They all enjoyed a lot of the known and famous Mexican “T Vitamin…” ¡MMMM…! You know!
¿Se te antojo? ¡¿Sí…?! ¡A mí también!
So if you plan to die soon, make everything in your current power and arrangements, even put it in your will, to be sent directly to the Mexican Hell, there is no better one in the universe, or in heaven, or hell or in Mars or in the huge Vía Lactea Galaxy.
¡Jodidos, pero mucho muy contentos!
Y como decía mí Pa´ (QEPD): -“Lo viajado ya nadie me lo quita”.
Ya que: ¡Como México y su continuo infierno no hay dos, gracias a Dios…!
¡Viva México Ca…! ¡Viva…!
LO LEÍSTE PRIMERO EN PULSO PYME.
- ** Neuman Praes, Jacobo. (2023). “Esquezofrenia. Manual para una Nueva Vida”. 8o Intento. Joega Editorial.
- ** Neuman Praes, Jacobo. (2008). “El Tour de France. Una Novela mexicana sobre: Calidad, Productividad y Cultura”. 2ª Edición. Joega Editorial.
- https://www.ba-bamail.com/jokes/political-jokes/?jokeid=62 (Original “Joke”).
- Sorry for the “Spanglish”. But…It was fun to practice it. (If you require lessons, of top notch “Spanglish” please get in touch…).
- First Final Note: You are invited to visit the Mexican Hell or to the country and its very nice old “Pyramids” or sandy “Playas” whenever you want and can, and have enough dollars to come.(If not, don´t come. Why? You know, galloping inflation, mainly of Coronas and Tequilas..
- Second Final Note: You know, some recruiters ask me if I know English, ¡Jaja…! I do, I answer, and add that also speak, write and read “Spanglish”. ¡Jejejeje!
- Third Final Note: Pictures courtesy of Pixabay and Istock. Joke, courtesy of Ba-bamail. Thanks!